OUAT: No Good Deed

We open in the Enchanted Forest, where a fancy looking carriage rolls along a dirt road at night. I’d say this is going to be a Robin Hood story but Sean Maguire’s name didn’t appear in the credits so…that’s a no. The carriage stops as a knight steps out. 

(We are the Knights Who Say "Give Us All Your Money") 

He says he’s going to take all the money from the occupants of the carriage. Their response is pretty much “You and what army?” Fires light in the trees around them and shadowy shapes appear, all armed. The men decide that army is sufficient and run away.

Who is in the armor? Why, Captain Hook! I guess he’s picking up the slack while Robin bickers with/sexes up Regina over in the Royal Castle. He yells at Mr. Smee for lighting the fires too slow but Smee’s like “We got the loot. Let’s celebrate!” Hook agrees.


Back in Storybrooke, Emma and David try to put together a crib. It’s as confusing as these things usually are. Mary Margaret suggests asking Marco but father and daughter are determined to do it themselves. David feels that if he can put the crib together, then he can protect his unborn baby from whatever Zelena wants him or her for. Regina says that there are lots of spells which require baby parts. Mary Margaret is not comforted. But Regina has cast a protection spell on the apartment so it should keep Zelena at bay.

(Father-Daughter project?)

Emma decides it is time for to go on the offense. She asks Regina to train her in her magic. Everyone agrees it’s a good idea and Regina offers to start that afternoon before leaving to get ready. David and Mary Margaret offer to watch Henry but Emma hesitates. She reveals that Henry thinks they are boring, especially with all the baby talk. His grandparents are hurt even though he doesn’t remember they are his grandparents. David asks who Henry prefers.

The answer is Hook! And do you blame the kid? Two people about to welcome a baby or a man who teaches you how to sail? Hook wins! He tells Emma that she doesn’t have to keep using Henry as an excuse to see him. She resists the urge to throw him into the harbor as she explains why she needs him to watch Henry. He agrees it is a good plan and promises to keep Henry safe. She walks off, unaware of the conversation Hook had with Smee (no longer a rat) right before…

(Let's get the flirt on!)

But before that, let’s go back to the celebration in the Enchanted Forest. Captain Hook and his men have taken over a tavern and are getting quite drunk. His men cheer his leadership and his ability to still get them loot. To thank him, they have gotten him a lady of the night to spend the night with. Hook thanks them and walks off with her.

In Storybrooke, Smee asks Hook when they are going to leave. The men are getting restless and want to return to the open sea. They want to pillage and rifle and loot…drink me hearties, yo ho! Maraud and embezzle and even hijack, drink me hearties, yo ho! But Hook has no intention of leaving Storybrooke and Smee knows why. Hook is there for Emma.

Anyway, remember that lady of the night Smee and the other men got for Hook? He didn’t spend the night with her. He told her to go and get some rest. Then in the morning, she could just tell everyone she slept with him. But he had no need of her, not when his heart was yearning for a woman who would never remember him. As he goes to wallow, he encounters a hooded figure. Who then decks him.

Mary Margaret and David go for a walk along the beach. They see a crowd up ahead and go investigate. What’s rushed on shore? Well, not a what but a who—Ariel is back! She’s looking for Eric, having been separated from him. Mary Margaret and David offer to help their friend.

(She's part of our world!)

And we learn Ariel was the one who decked Captain Hook. She demands he return Eric but Hook has no clue why she thinks he has her. Ariel says she was separated from Eric and when she returned to his kingdom, she learned he had sailed out to find her. But he was taken by a pirate. A pirate sailing the Jolly Roger. Hook reveals he was unable to find his beloved ship after returning to the Enchanted Forest and that’s why he and his men were playing Robin Hood (except, you know, not giving the loot to the poor). He wants his ship.

In Granny’s, Hook is teaching Henry how to cheat at a coin game. But Henry knows cheating is wrong. Even as a child of two former thieves. Looks like the Charmings’ DNA is strong with this one. And speak of the devils, here they come with Ariel in tow! She has no memories of the missing year, unlike Hook. He is hesitant to meet her as the Nolans ask if he encountered Prince Eric during the missing year. He says he didn’t and apologizes that he can’t help Ariel. But the Nolans convince him to help her while they watch Henry. Hook looks so screwed.

(Yep. Screwed)

Ariel explains to Hook and his men that she had heard that a pirate aboard the Jolly Roger had taken Eric. A fearsome pirate, ruling the ocean. But since Hook is landlocked, that can only mean one other person—Blackbeard. Hook is determined to get his ship back but the other men are hesitant. He eventually rallies them and Ariel says she is going to. She wants to find Eric. Hook doesn’t think so but Ariel reminds him of the pirate code, which states that Ariel provided him useful information so he owes her a favor. Her favor is that he takes her to Blackbeard. He reluctantly obliges.

Meanwhile, David and Mary Margaret are trying to prove to Henry that they aren’t boring. That they’re cool grandparents. Except, they can’t prove the grandparents part. So David offers to teach Henry how to drive. Oh, yes, this is going to end well.

Please note the sarcasm.

Regina and Emma being practicing in her vault. Where Emma fails in the first five seconds by touch something right after Regina tells her not to. She’s just an overgrown child sometimes. Regina gives her a book but it’s written in Elfish and Emma is not a Tolkienite. So Regina decides to go the baptism by fire route. She poofs her and Emma to a rickety rope bridge and Emma is like “Really? These still exist?” Regina says Emma has the magic inside her, she just has to use it. And then she destroys the bridge. Don’t worry, Regina isn’t still trying to kill Emma. She tries to get Emma to rebuild the bridge but instead, she plunges down to the river below. Or does she? Of course not! They aren’t going to kill the lead only two episodes after killing a regular. Emma rebuilds the bridge with her magic. Regina’s impressed and a little annoyed it took a near death experience.

(Not exactly what Regina had in mind. But it works)

In the Enchanted Forest, Ariel and Hook keep traipsing along to find the water and Hook’s ship. I guess they are going to Tortuga? I don’t care, it’s getting called Tortuga from now on. As they walk through the brush, Ariel’s cape gets stuck on some thorns. Hook slices it to get her free. But she’s anything but grateful. The cape was Eric’s and she didn’t want anything to ruin it. The cape’s important later on. Remember it.

Hook and Ariel go to visit Belle at Gold’s shop. They hope he has something they could use to find Eric. Belle says she can cast a locator spell if they have something of his. Hook and Ariel scour the shop for something. Hook finds his telescope, Ariel finds that cape. Belle enchants it and Hook and Ariel begin to chase it down, hoping it will lead them to Eric.

Let’s go see how the driving lesson is going? David and Henry are in David’s truck as Mary Margaret watches from a safe distance. She’s not too sure this is a good idea. But Henry starts to drive a little and likes it. Then he gets out on the road and panics. The poor mailbox never saw it coming.

Tortuga. Night. Hook and co. spy the Jolly Roger. Time to sneak aboard. Except they are caught by Blackbeard, who challenges Hook. A swordfight breaks out. Cue the Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack! But Hook has the upperhand because he has a better understanding of the Jolly Roger than Blackbeard. He traps the pirate in a loose plank and threatens to kill the man.

Ariel stops him, saying Blackbeard is the only one who knows where Eric is. He tells her he marooned her prince on a island. One only he knows the location of. Ariel begs Hook not to kill Blackbeard. But it’s the only way for Hook to get his ship back. Decisions, decisions.

Follow the cape leads down to the harbor. Ariel wonders if there’s a small island Eric ended up on in it. But instead, the cape sinks to the bottom of the harbor. Looks like Eric has been sent to Davy Jones’ locker. Poor Eric.

(It's the briny deep for Eric)

What was Hook’s decision in the missing year? Kill Blackbeard and reclaim his ship. Ariel is not amused. She lets Hook have it before jumping into the sea. She’s going to find Eric even if she has to scour every island there is. Hopefully he found two sea turtles and lashed them together with hair to form a raft. Hook is a pirate, through and through. Or at least that’s what he tells himself.

In Storybrooke, Ariel thanks Hook for his help. She pretty much makes him feel so guilty, he hurries down to confess the truth. Ariel slaps him. He admits he deserved that and tries to explain that he was running from the pain of losing the woman he loved. The woman who made him believe in love again and he was trying to be a better man for her. Ariel makes him swear on her name. It’s Emma Swan.

Once the name crosses his lips, they glow green. In a puff of green smoke, Ariel becomes Zelena. It was a trap! 

(Did not see that coming!)

The writers have been throwing us a lot of twists, haven’t they? Zelena reveals that she’s cursed his kiss. The next time he kisses Emma, her magic will be taken away. So Hook just won’t kiss her. Zelena threatens to kill Emma but Hook surmises that she can’t do anything while Emma has her powers…hence his cursed lips. She acknowledges that he is correct but she can hurt those Emma loves. Like Henry. Hook is even more screwed now.

So what happened to the Little Mermaid and her prince? They got a happy ending. Ariel did find him and they are living together on the deserted island. I guess going for help never crossed their minds. Hello, she’s a mermaid! She swims back to Eric’s kingdom, tells them where he is, leads the navy back—boom! Eric is rescued! They definitely have it easier than the occupants of Gilligan’s Island.

How do we know all of this? Well, Zelena told Hook but it was confirmed by Emma and Regina. Hook goes to the Charmings, finding Regina and Emma there already. Emma is surprised to find that Henry’s not with Hook, but he reveals he left the boy with the grandparents he doesn’t remember. He explains that he’s been helping Ariel—leaving out the part where she was really Zelena in disguise—and that Ariel found Eric on some deserted island. Regina teaches Emma how to turn a mirror into a way to spy on the happy couple, reunited on a tropical beach.

All together now: Aww.

The Nolans return with Henry, who happily tells his mom he learned to drive. Regina is aghast, playing it off as a concerned mayor. 

(That is the "You let my underage son do what?" face)

David reveals she may have to send a crew out to repair a few things. Regina looks ready to kill him. Emma suggests everyone goes to Granny’s for dinner and Henry asks to drive. That gets shut down pretty quickly. Emma invites Hook along but he declines.

Our episode ends with the Nolans, Emma, Henry and Regina eating and laughing at Granny’s. After the episode came out, people dug out gifs from the Season 2a finale where everyone went out to eat and didn’t invite Regina. Rumple tells her then that maybe one day they would invite her. Looks like that day has arrived! Outside, Hook watches Emma through his telescope, pining from afar.

All together now: Aww.

(Family dinner)

(On the outside look in)

Well, there’s the hiccup for Captain Swan. How will that ship navigate these rough waters? Will Zelena get Emma’s powers? Will anyone replace the mailbox Henry mowed down? And what’s Robin doing? Stick around to find out!