Surprising, Not a Lot of Hitler

In the first half of Series 6 of Doctor Who: The Doctor was killed within the first ten minutes of the premiere. Except it was a future version of the Doctor (I’ve got a sneaking suspicion that it’s really Ganger!Doctor). Then there were Area 51 escapees, President Nixon, an astronaut, a young girl regenerating in the middle of New York and much more Alex Kingston. Later, it was revealed that Amy was a ganger the entire time and was really giving birth in some secret facility. She had a daughter, named her Melody and then had her kidnapped. In an interesting twist, we learned River was Melody. In an annoying twist, we learned River was also a Time Lord.

Time for the rest of Series 6!

Let’s Kill Hitler or “Honey, I Shrunk the Cast!”

Many questions arose from this episode: Does River kill the Doctor? What’s up with the Silence? Did anyone let Hitler out of that cupboard?

And what do we see first? Wheat! Amy and Rory are driving through this wheat field trying to follow a map Amy’s reading. Please refrain from any “women drivers” jokes. They stop at a crop circle with the TARDIS. They apparently wrote “Doctor” in the field. They want to know if he found Melody. Not yet, he says, hugging Amy with Rory’s permission. A car comes at them, hitting the Doctor and stopping thisclose to the TARDIS. It’s a woman. She says they never said he was hot. She claims the car is hers until we hear sirens. The Ponds call her “Mel” and she claims to be their best friend. The Doctor is confused—why hasn’t he met her before? At their wedding? After the universe was restarted? She says she’s not the wedding type. She then holds the Doctor at gunpoint, tells him to take her away from  the police. “Let’s kill Hitler,” she suggests.

I don’t like this girl. Oh crap…”Mel”? Kleptomaniac? Obsessed with the Doctor? Has a gun? It’s Melody/River, isn’t it?

OH THANK GOD THEY LOST THAT STUPID AMY NARRATION BEFORE THE OPENING! THANK YOU BBC-AMERICA!

“A long time ago in Leadenworth…”

It’s young Amy and I guess young Mel talking about the TARDIS. Young Rory runs in to ask why they haven’t found him yet. At school, Mel insists the Doctor didn’t stop the Titanic from sinking or Hitler’s rise to power. We see Mel in principal’s office and jail. Amy and Rory wonder why she stole a bus. Mel talks about “Mr. Perfect” and motions to Rory. They deny any attraction to Mel’s chagrin. Amy thought Rory was gay. She wonders why Rory never showed any attention to a girl then. He runs away and Amy realizes he likes her.

Mel shoots the TARDIS’ console and Mel blames him. We go to Berlin, 1938. Nazis and a robot janitor? I didn’t know the French Resistance started so early and was so well-equipped. Except they don’t seem French. Wait, are they Vulcans? A Nazi official spots the robot janitor. An older woman takes an elevator up and is nearly killed until she updates something. Wait, are they in the robot janitor? Robot Janitor is made to look like Nazi official. And is then shrunk and beamed on board the mini Vulcans’ ship. He is left to the “antibodies.” I’m guessing that would be the Daleks miniature distant cousin that nearly killed…Never mind, it’s a robotic jellyfish.

Robot Nazi enters a great hall. A man asks what he wants and who let him in. Meanwhile, the ship is having some problems. The man is told he is found guilty and must be exterminated. Or eliminated. Whatever. They realize they are too early and have to later. But then the TARDIS lands. They have to abandon the TARDIS due to smoke. Rory spots Robot Nazi as the Doctor apologizes for crashing into the office. Everyone recognizes the 20th Century Incarnation of Evil Adolph Hitler. He thanks the Doctor for saving his life. The Doctor says it was an accident.

Hitler inspects the box. The Doctor says the British are coming as Hitler tries to shoot the Robot Nazi. Rory grabs a gun and tells Hitler to sit down and shut up. Doctor tells him to put Hitler in a cupboard. “But I am the Fuhrer!” Hitler protests. But Rory puts him in a cupboard anyway. The mini Vulcans on the ship try to figure out what to do and cause Robot Nazi to faint. The Doctor thinks its too perfect but is distracted when it is revealed that Mel has been shot.

On the mini Vulcan ship, they determine the police box is a TARDIS (and we are told it is a TT Type 40, Mark 3 version) from the planet Gallifrey and operated by a Time Lord. And apparently the Doctor is a criminal because the TARDIS is listed as stolen. Which is true according to canon—the Doctor stole the TARDIS. The Doctor is called the biggest criminal ever…except than the mini Vulcan says “It’s her.”

The Doctor tries to save Mel. The Doctor agrees to marry her and she starts to glow. Mel is Melody? Amy says she named her daughter after her friend, but she really named her daughter after her daughter. She regenerates in the middle of Hitler’s office. And she becomes Alex Kingston. She examines herself much like David Tennant and Matt Smith did when they changed. She even mentions the teeth. She goes to weigh herself. Amy and Rory are just as shocked as the Doctor. “That’s Melody,” Amy says. “That’s River Song,” Rory corrects. “Who is River?” Melody asks. “Spoilers,” the Doctor replies.

River and the Doctor engage in a battle of one-up-manship. Including pulling a banana. And the bananas live on! Amy tries to figure out why her daughter is a psychopath. River replies that she is trained to kill the Doctor. River kisses him then runs to the window. She says the world is on the verge of war and orders her parents not to follow. The Doctor grows weaker and says he’s dying. Poisoned lipstick? Really? That’s the best she can do?

The ship says he’s dying and the Doctor gives him his Sonic Screwdriver. River faces down a Nazi firing squad and survives because she is still in her regeneration cycle. She flees and Rory tricks a Nazi officer to get his motorbike. Nazi officer is a Robot Nazi as well. The mini Vulcans point out that the Doctor dies on April 22, 2011. Was the original air date of “The Impossible Astronaut”? Because the American airdate was April 23rd and I thought we were airing on the same schedule. (It’s been confirmed that “The Impossible Astronaut” did in fact air on April 23, 2011 on both sides of the pond). Anyway, it’s revealed that his death is a fixed point (highly unlikely as I doubt the BBC is cancelling the show any time soon and Smith is only contracted to 2013). Someone reminds them of Kennedy and rewriting time. They agree it’s a screw-up.

The Doctor collapses in his TARDIS and the voice interface comes online. He asks for someone he likes and they show Rose! He says that she makes him feel guilty so they cut to Martha. He says she makes him feel guilty as well. Next is Donna but he still feels guilt. A young child’s voice is heard and it’s young Amelia Pond. The voice tells him he will be dead in 32 minutes and regeneration is disabled. There is no cure. The Doctor argues against his fate and says that River needs him. He asks for a painkiller. The voice keeps reminding him it is a voice interface but then suggests fish fingers and custard, the only food he could stomach after his regeneration.

We cut to some fancy German party that is shot up. By a gun-toting River. She orders them to take off their clothes. Rory and Amy try to find River. People pour out of building in their undergarments as Robot Amy pulls up next to them. Robot Amy goes in as Rory and Amy are shrunken inside the robot. The robot jellyfish try to kill them, but Amy has the Sonic Screwdriver. One of the mini Vulcans saves them and welcomes them on board.

Meanwhile, River plays dress up and talks with Robot Amy. Robot Amy reveals that the Doctor was killed by order of the Silents. “You said she killed the Doctor? Doctor Who?” the Doctor asks. The Doctor is in his tux. This can’t end well. He does have a sonic cane. Umm, how? He finds out about the robot and talks to the people inside. Amy signals that she’s okay. His left foot gives out and he sits down. River is frozen. The Doctor talks to the justice-seeking people. He explains they extract the evil-doers/criminals at the end of their timelines and give them hell. So Hitler didn’t die in a secret bunker? The Doctor asks for his records but is denied until Amy reveals she is Melody’s mother.

It is revealed that the Silents are a religious order who believe that silence will fall when the big question is asked. A question as old as time, hidden in plain sight. However, they don’t know it. So I guess it’s not “What is the meaning of life?” (Hint: It’s not poptarts). The poison weakens the Doctor. Rory comforts the Doctor as River is ordered to be given hell. The Doctor talks to the Ponds. The Doctor tells them to stop the justice-seeking people. She uses the sonic to summon the killer robot jellyfish and threatens to take everyone down. She causes them to shut everything down. River is released and the Doctor tells her not to run, to save her parents. An emergency beam up is activated inside the robot. That leaves the jellyfish to chase Amy and Rory.

Amy pleads for the Doctor’s help, but he’s out cold on the floor. Oh wait, he comes to and stands up. River sits by and watches. She is amazed that he still cares as he tries to reach the TARDIS. He keeps calling her River and Melody wonders who River is. The Doctor asks for her help but she wants to know more about River.

Amy and Rory run from the jellyfish. They swarm the Ponds though. They exchange “I love you’s” and embrace. But the TARDIS materializes around them. They call for the Doctor but River steps forward. The TARDIS taught her how to fly and that she is the child of the TARDIS. Amy and Rory sit next to him, asking to help him. He says he needs to talk to their daughter. River sits next to him. He tells her to find River Song and whispers something in her ear, a message for River. He closes his eyes. Melody asks who River Song is and Amy orders Robot Amy to access the files of River Song. The Robot turns into River. Amy wants to know what the message was. River channels some of her regeneration power into her hands. She wants to know if the Doctor is worth it. Amy says he is.

River touches the Doctor, kisses him and says “Hello, Sweetie.” We get a light show and the screen goes white. River comes to, seeing her parents. Apparently, River used all her regenerations on the Doctor. River says she had to try and that no one could save him. She had to try. The Doctor says that rule 1 is that the Doctor lies. The nurse tells them that River will be fine. The Doctor says she will be amazing and leaves her her diary. Wait, is River in the hospital in New New York?

The Doctor sees his death date but erases it off the screen before the Ponds can see it. They wonder about River and who she kills. They wonder if she’ll find them. He says she will. Meanwhile, we see River getting into her archeology program, holding her diary.

Well, that was interesting. Not a lot of Hitler, though. In fact, the Fuhrer could’ve been removed entirely from the episode! Alex Kingston was a delight as always. It was fast-paced and action packed. Now the Doctor knows the date of his death. What will happen?

Next week: A kid and the boogeyman. Wait, Sister Mine?

Quote of the Episode:

“I am trapped inside of robotic replica of my wife. I will not try to see that as a metaphor.” –Rory after entering Robot Amy