Juno + Seventh Heaven =

The Secret Life of the American Teenager. Quite a mouthful. Now, I haven't been able to see Juno yet, though I do want to, but I can tell from the trailers it was a lot more clever and better done than this new offering from Seventh Heaven creator Brenda Hampton and ABC Family.

The premise of the show revolves around high school freshman Amy who discovers she is pregnant after a one-night stand at band camp with the school manwhore. Why she does so isn't explored and I hope it is because as the recapper at Zap2it.com pointed out, from what we learn about Amy, it is highly out of character. She is a sweet girl who plays the French horn and who her parents consistently stress is a "good girl." So what would drive this good girl to sleep with this guy? And we learn why he's such a manwhore before we learn why our heroine slept with him. He was abused by his father when he was younger. Anyway, while Amy freaks out over her pregnancy, new student Ben becomes completely smitten with her.

Besides Amy-Ben-Stud (I'll eventually remember his name), we are also introduced to Grace, her boyfriend, Adrian and a whole bunch of sex issues. Grace and her boyfriend have promised to wait till after they are married, which won't happen until she finishes medical school like her parents. Grace even wears a chasity ring to remind them of their promise just as boyfriend gets horny. Now, I'm a Christian yet don't feel the need to reveal it every five minutes like Grace is forced to. It is shoved down your throat and in a way I'm sure Hampton didn't intend, makes fun of the whole concept. Boyfriend is thus tempted by Adrian, the school slut who has a complicated relationship with school stud, and they are caught making out in front of a church party. By Grace's brother (who has Down's syndrome).

And both Ben and Amy have two friends each. One of Ben's friend seems to be a walking poll about teenage sexual habits that no teen would spew. And I do understand Amy's decision to tell her friends before her parents but I'm surprised at how quickly the idea of abortion was brushed over. Of course that would end the premise very quickly. And I'll admit I'm pro-life, but I would've rather the ix-nay for the abortion to come from Amy herself and not because one of her friends quickly hushes up the idea. Or at least for them to explore the option and to show why abortions aren't the solution. Also, the bathroom scene where Amy and her friends were trying to go to the doctor without her parents knowing, was anybody else screaming "FREE CLINIC!" or was it just me? Because even at 15, I knew about free clinics. Or even planned parenthood. I knew about them and how to look them up in the phone book. But then we wouldn't have that scene where Amy is surrounded by little kids in her pediatrician's office and then gets handed a baby to watch. Umm, who does that? I was never handed a baby to hold unless I was related to him or her.

The acting is pretty good and often saves the dialogue. I must echo some other reviewers: has any of the writers ever MET a teenager? Were they even teenagers at one point? I was a teen not too long ago and I have a teen sister. It does not sound like anything that would've come out of our mouths. Molly Ringwald is good as Amy's mom, but she's unfortunately shoved into the oblivious parent corner and can't do much. Hopefully the show explores her range as Amy finally tells her parents about her pregnancy. Shailene Woodley is the main reason I'm tuning in, as I loved her as Felicity in the American Girl movie based on that series of books and when she guest starred on CSI: NY. She does an excellent job as Amy, the conflict clear in her mannerism and facial expressions. And John Schneider and Josie Bisset were two of my favorite things this episode.

I'll probably keep tuning in for Woodley, Schneider and Bisset. Who knows, maybe the Camdens will stop by for a lecture. Because I don't think Hampton is above bring one of them on. Right now, the show is on the "bad" side, but maybe it'll improve once it hits it's stride.