Memory Lane

Oh good, they stopped the CSI:Miami

Future!Ted tells us that Lily loves her birthday. Her alarm goes off and she gets a crown. Future!Ted tells the kids that their Uncle Marshall loves planning birthdays. He gives her breakfast in bed with the theme of a Spanish Interlude, complete with a Spanish musician and picture of Spain. He tells her that there will be a grand party with just the five of them and Ted bringing her favorite dish. He leaves, bringing the musician with him.

That night, Lily gets a camera. She’s excited. Robin and Barney, not so much. Future!Ted shows us a picture of the gang taken after Robin became a citizen. He tells the kids the story of what happened just before the flash went off. We see Robin and Barney cuddling, so they’re still dating. Lily asks Marshall to move between them. Robin realizes Lily doesn’t want it to look like she and Barney were a couple. Lily agrees and says she wants her pictures to have longevity, which Robin and Barney as a couple don’t have. Robin and Barney protest that this is true, but rude. I’m sorry, show, but in the episode repeated last week, it would seem Robin and Barney weren’t so truthful about the downward spiral their relationship had taken until they noticed how awful they looked. So, which is it—open or hidden?

Anyway, Lily says she just wants a picture of her perfect night with her four best friends. At that point, Ted shows up with Amanda.

CREDITS!

Marshall and Lily are stunned. Ted says he invited Amanda because she is going to make Lily a cake—she’s a chef! Bet she’s no Victoria, though. Apparently, they met the week before when some of her hair ended up in Ted’s soup. How very…romantic? Lily looks ready to kill her. Marshall goes to party games—“Lilial Pursuit.” Amanda start first. She confuses Lily with Robin. Ted tries to tell her it’s yellow, which is still wrong. But foreshadowing—we know the Mother is obsessed with the color. We move quickly on to Gild the Lily. Everyone wrote down something they like about Lily and she has to guess who wrote it. After a long one that sounds like it’s from Marshall, Lily starts to cry and hugs Robin, who nearly starts to cry as well. Next is: “She seems very nice.” Lily guess Amanda, but it’s really Barney. Every word was sincere though. Amanda, feeling awkward, goes back to the kitchen. Lily rushes to get in the group shot so Ted tries to get Amanda. Lily blocks him and finally says she doesn’t want one of Ted’s skanks in the group shot. We see said group shot—an angry Lily, an indignant Ted, an uncomfortable Marshall and Robin and an awesome Barney.

After the picture, Lily tells Ted he always brings one of his skanks to their major group events. She even pulls out her photo album to prove it. Marshall tries to distract her, including singing a song. She makes Ted play “Name that Bitch.” This leads to a picture of the group with Slash from Guns and Roses. Except that Ted’s Random Skank jumped in, covering Slash. Robin notices that Barney strikes the same pose in every picture. He says he never takes a bad picture. Robin doesn’t believe it. But Barney says it’s been a gift he’s always had since elementary school. Aww, lil Barney is adorable. Unlike Marshall, who never takes a good photo. Poor Marshall. Robin tries to get a picture while Barney helps himself to some chip and dip, but it still comes out with the same pose. She is amazed.

Moving on, Ted calls Lily a Birthday Brat. Lily says his Random Skanks have ruined many events. She brings up Paris—where she was studying abroad, separated from Marshall for two months. And they had just started having sex, so Marshall was tortured. Marshall was visiting over Spring Break. Except that at the last minute, Ted joined him. With Karen (Hey, Laura Prepon). As the plane was taking off, she confesses to an affair with a professor. Thus, poor sex-starved Marshall was trapped on a plane for 7 1/2 hours with those two arguing. When they arrived at the airport, Karen said she was staying with Lily and Marshall was staying with Ted. The pictures show what a lousy trip that was. But on the plus side, Lily got a picture of a romantic kiss in front of the Eiffel Tower. Too bad it was Karen and Francois.

Lily and Ted argue. The gang points out that it’s weird for someone to go to a party where you don’t know anyone. That’s why Robin didn’t bring Don. She remembers going to a Japanese wedding on a third date. She is forever in that guy’s brother’s wedding pictures. Across the world, the Japanese sister-in-law plays “Name that Bitch” with the guy. Ted argues that he brings these girls because he thinks that they are “The One.” He has to think that going into every relationship because he wants it to be true. Ted switches topics to Robin, Lily’s best friend. Marshall warns Lily it’s a trap, but she continues. Ted points out—accurately—that Robin was once a Random Skank. They use the word “skank” a lot, causing Robin to try to suck down the last of her wine. Marshall grabs his guitar, trying to soothe everything over with song. It doesn’t work.

Lily reminds Ted of the party to celebrate Marshall passing the bar. He brought Strawberry to a grill place. Strawberry freaked out, throwing red paint on the chef while yelling “MEAT IS MURDER!” Ted says there was no way to know she’d do that. Everyone responds: “Her name was Strawberry.”

Amanda emerges from the kitchen with her masterpiece. On the cake, she has written “Happy 42nd Birthday, Lori.” Future!Ted reminds of us Lily’s Glare-o-Death, but surprisingly, it doesn’t happen. Amanda is safe! However, Marshall’s less potent Glare-o-Death does happen. He explodes at Amanda and she leaves, Ted chasing after her.

Amanda refuses to come back. Marshall isn’t so sad. He reveals that he is the one that had to comfort all of Ted’s skanks when they broke up. He no longer has any compassion for them. Ted points out that all of Lily’s photos are staged—no real emotion. He shows a picture from a Halloween Past. Lily and Marshall had a giant fight, but no one would know because everyone looks happy in the picture. Or one from Robin’s birthday. Robin was sick, but Lily made her change and pinched her cheeks to get some color. But after the picture, they ate chocolate cake in Robin’s bed. The gang smiles at the memory. Ted goes all the way back to the first picture he, Marshall and Lily took. We go back to college, where Marshall and Ted decide on “Sitcom Opposite Roommates” pose for their first roommate photo. They are about to take it when Lily arrives for her and Marshall’s date. Ted invites Lily into the shot, because he believed she would last. Touched, Lily agrees to let Amanda back in.

So, Amanda comes back. They take the picture and though Robin tries to trip up Barney, he still looks great. Marshall, not so much—but his eyes are open. Robin, however, is in the “Dammit” position.

Tag: One year later, Ted can’t name Amanda in the “Name that Bitch” game. Lily calls everyone over for the photo—note Ted does not have a skank this time. Barney notices that there is cilantro in the dip. It makes him sneeze and—voila!—the first bad picture of Barney ever.

A pretty good episode. It was nice to see Brooke Nevin (Amanda) playing a character who isn’t a teenager. And the pictures were great to bounce off. And at least I’m not the only one who gets excited about her birthday.

PS: Ten days till mine!

Exchange of the Episode:

“Let’s just take a little walk down Random Skank Lane.” –Lily

“Or, we can just keep strolling down Best Birthday Avenue.”—Marshall

“Do I get a vote? Skank Lane! Skank Lane!”—Guess Who

I Have Confidence!

Last week on Glee: Terri learns she isn’t pregnant but doesn’t tell Will. Glee performs a raunchy song at a school assembly. Emma begins dating Coach while Finn and Rachel share a passionate kiss. Prissy Cheerleader and her friends join Glee in hopes of getting Finn back and destroying Glee.

Will’s parents come over for—holy crap, Will’s dad is Victor Garber! And his mom is Debra Monk! Will spills about the non-baby, scaring Terri. She shows mom-in-law the nursery while Dad apologizes for being a lousy dad. He talks about being a lawyer—nod to Eli Stone?—but went into insurance instead. He tells Will to find some courage. Ladies and gentlemen, tonight’s theme!

At school, Glee doesn’t like Will’s choreography. Prissy and Friend trick Rachel into mentioning a professional choreographer. Prissy asks Will if he ever performed again after school. And we’re back to Will’s courage question as he blathers on in Emma’s office. He asks about her date with Coach. She says great rather quickly. They flash to the teachers’ lounge to celebrate shop teacher Henri’s birthday. Henri is depressed because his dependency on OTC drugs caused him to lose his thumbs. After a lovely round of “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow,” Will gets an idea.

He forms the Acafellas. Will, Henri, Coach and Howard (Terri’s coworker) sing hip hop acapella. Meanwhile, Terri increases her marriage’s sex life but fails to get pregnant. Will thinks it’s about his new confidence and being in a boy band—a nod to LMNT?

Will begins missing Glee practices. Rachel makes him cookies to apologize about her comments. He says they can hire Dakota Stanley and thanks her. Rachel and Finn worry about Will while Prissy gets Dakota. Rachel and Finn talk about their kiss and relationship status. Rachel flips out on him and Finn is so confused.

Prissy and Friend report to Jane. She’s happy to hear about Will’s distraction. Prissy thinks Dakota will cause the Glee kids to quit. Mercedes and Kurt talk about kissing. He tells her of Glee’s standing then invites her to the mall. Prissy and Friend try to help Mercedes “get” Kurt. Wrong first victim, girls. Mercedes can break you.

Acafellas perform “Poison.” They get applause and Emma remembers to cheer for Coach. Debra and Victor are there, selling CDs. Principal Figgins invites Will to perform at the PTA to keep the parents happy after the announcement the children will be eating prison food. Sandy, though, wants in and dangles Josh Groban in front of the Acafellas.

Glee visits a rival squad and are warned away from Dakota. The group performs “Mercy.” Dakota turns Glee down, saying he works for $8,000.

Hey was that Ben in the Audi commercial?

Will and Coach work on dance moves. Howard quits while Coach worries about Emma possibly breaking up with him. She says Henri downed 6 bottles of cough syrup and now is going to rehab. Emma encourages Will. Finn says he is quitting Glee too. Will says he hasn’t quit and encourages Finn to stay. He also asks about Acafellas. Finn’s football buddy offers to join the group—for the cougars. Coach threatens him and then welcomes him.

Will works with Finn and Jock. He tells them to work the hips and swing bats. It works. Rachel and Tina give Mercendes a “gayvention.” She is still in denial and bemoans their social status. Mercedes is happy with Kurt. The cheerleaders help Glee with their car wash fundraiser. Jane and Emma banter while Kurt tells Mercedes he is in love with someone else. He means Finn, but Mercedes sees Rachel. Finn lies that that’s who he meant. Mercedes breaks Kurt’s window and performs with the cheerleaders. She is AMAZING! Kurt flips but feels bad when Mercedes tells him he broke her heart.

Glee gets Dakota, who gives them personalized menus. He then kicks Mercedes and Artie out, tells Rachel to get a nose job and calls Finn “Frankenteen.” The original Glee quits before Rachel reminds them of people who were different but succeeded (like Barbara Streisand. Come on, they had to mention her at least once). She rallies Glee and fires Dakota. At the performance, Finn thanks Will as Sandy says Josh Groban is in the audience. Acafellas perform. Terri loves watching Will, even if they are singing Color Me Badd. They get a standing ovation. Wow, they got Josh Groban. He brings his security and gives Sandy a restraining order. He loved the show anyway.

Terri apologizes to Will and praises him and Acafellas. Victor asks if anyone has seen Debra. Turns out Josh likes cougars as well. He liquors Debra up. Seems Acafellas are over, but Will still has his confidence. Victor is going to go to law school—shout out to Legally Blonde as well? Mercedes apologizes to Kurt, who admits he’s gay. Anyone surprised? Course not. He’s a walking stereotype, writers. She tells him to be himself but he doesn’t have confidence. Dakota’s gone, Will’s back and Jane tells Prissy and Friend they smell of failure. She revokes their tanning privileges.

All’s well in Glee.