Glory, Glory, Hallelujah, the Doctor Keeps Marching On

What you need to know before last week’s Doctor Who episode: Amy announced she was pregnant at the end of the first episode. During the second episode, she kept seeing a strange woman everywhere and discovered pictures of herself with a baby. She then tells the Doctor it was a mistake and she wasn’t pregnant. The TARDIS could not determine if Amy was pregnant. Then in the previous episode, it was revealed that Amy was a Ganger! So, Amy’s never been there but rather in some chamber. And she’s ready to pop!

So who wants Amy and her baby? Where has she been this entire time? And how long has Amy been a ganger? I think it was the three month gap between “The Impossible Astronaut” and “Day of the Moon.”
Sorry for the delay. I was out on Saturday and when I came home, I was too tired to recap Doctor Who. So I settled in to watch “iParty with Victorious” (which far exceeded my expectations) and taped Doctor Who instead. And you know how when you have something taped, you tend to forget it because you now have all the time in the world to watch it? Happened to me. I just watched the Tony’s the other day (NPH was awesome). Now, it’s Doctor Who time! Or my friends are going to kill me!

A Good Man Goes to War or “Time to Storm the Barricades!”

The Doctor gathers an army despite 48 years of decrying violence. Despite this, it’s still epic!

“Demon’s Run”

Oh, that’s comforting.

Amy voices over that she wishes she could tell her daughter she’ll be safe and loved. She picks up a baby girl and tells her to be brave. Her daughter’s name is Melody Pond (nice touch—considering the Doctor always introduces the couple as the Ponds). The lady haunting Amy tells her she has two minutes as Amy says that the people surrounding her will have to be brave. She promises that someone is coming.

Oh look, Cybermen. Haven’t seen them in quite a bit. Meanwhile, Amy says that no army will get in the way. The lady takes Melody while Amy pleads for them to leave her daughter alone. Amy promises Melody that she will never be alone. It sounds like she’s about to reveal the Doctor is Melody’s father, but relax, it’s Rory. Who is dressed as the Last Centurion, the Boy Who Waited. And he demands that the Cybermen tell him where his wife is—as the Doctor blows their space station up.

Okay, the only way I’m going to start liking this intro if it is revealed that it’s Amy telling her story to Melody.

Maybe.

A ship lands somewhere. Oh, it’s Demon’s Run. A soldier talks about the Doctor’s recent attack on the Cybermen base and his companion reveals they are being paid to fight him, not praise him. As they continue to talk, they pass by a female soldier who looked sympathetic to Amy’s plight in the cold open. She is sewing…a Star of David circa the Holocaust? Soldier #1 asks if she’s sewing while Soldier #2 replies she can do whatever she likes on her break. He then tests Soldier #1 on spotting psychic paper. He reveals they are an elevated alert.

Soldier #3 and Soldier #4 watch these hooded figures also seen in the cold open. They are known as the Headless Monks. Any relation to the Headless Horseman? If not, he’d like his shtick back. The female soldier says something about them following their hearts. Soldier #3 asks if she’s Lorna Bucket and she confirms it. Soldier #3 introduces himself as the the “Thin One” and Soldier #4 as the “Fat One.” Lorna questions why they don’t have names. It is revealed that they are the Married Gay Marines and that seems to be enough. I guess since Congress repealed “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”…The Headless Monks take the Fat One away. The Thin One reveals that Lorna has met the Doctor. She says he only told her “Run.” Thin One continues to be Captain Exposition to reveal that Lorna is from the “Gamma Forests” and it is inferred from their conversation that this a peaceful place in the universe.

Meanwhile, the Fat One jabbers on about the Headless Monks’ decorating style. Namely, it’s red. A monk takes a box. A voice reveals that the Fat One has been selected to join the Headless Monks’. Those invited must make a donation as a monk shows him an empty box.

Okay, the Headless Horseman really wants his shtick back as we head to COMMERCIALS!

The Thin One and Lorna talk about the Doctor. We cut to London, 1888 AD. A lady gets out of a carriage and returns to her house. A young maid rushes to meet her and for a moment, I half expected it to be Gwyneth from “The Unquiet Dead” (played by Torchwood star Eve Mendes). She asks if her mistress solved another case. The lady tells her to alert Scotland Yard that Jack the Ripper is dead. The maid is astonished and asks how the lady found him. The lady pushes down her hood to reveal a Silurian as she comments that he was stringy but good. The maid congratulates her before saying there is a “matter” in the drawing room. It’s the TARDIS. She orders the maid, Jenny, to pack the bags as well as the swords—she has an old debt to be repaid.

Okay, first we miss a Gwyneth opportunity. Now, the maid is named Jenny and she is NOT the Doctor’s totally awesome clone-child from Series 4? Well, I guess Georgia Moffat was unavailable due to the fact she was pregnant with David Tennant’s child. (By the way, it was a girl named Olivia).

Next, we go to the Battle of Zaruthstra, 4037 AD. It’s the Captain from Pirates of the Caribbean V (“The Curse of the Black Spot”) and he has Toby with him. A Sontoran approaches and says he is a nurse. He examines Toby and gives him a clean bill of health before hoping to kill him in battle. Toby is like “Thanks?” while the Captain wonders why the heck there is a Sontoran nurse. Apparently, it’s a punishment. From the Doctor! He hopes to repay his debt as he wishes to meet the Captain on the field of battle. He goes off to meet the TARDIS.

Meanwhile, River is dressed sharply in Victorian dress. She calls down to tell them to stop the alarms as she is breaking in, not out before ordering breakfast. She dances as Rory approaches. He realizes that he may not have met River yet, but she says they have. He notices she’s sad as she reveals it is her birthday. The Doctor took her ice skating to celebrate, complete with music accompaniment from Stevie Wonder. In 1814. Not like Stevie will ever know. Rory says he’s from the Doctor and he needs River. She knows about Demon’s Run. Rory reveals they’ve taken Amy and that the Doctor is getting some people together to go after her.

River refuses. She says she can’t go, not yet. River calls it the “Battle of Demon’s Run” and that it is the Doctor’s darkest hour. He’ll rise high but fall extremely low, she reveals. She says she can’t be with him until the very end as this “is it.” And that means that the Doctor will find out who River Song is.

A blue man says good-bye to a room as the lady shows up. She asks where he is going. He reveals that the Doctor is collecting on his debts and raising an army. A colonel is afraid as the Blue Man says that all the stories are true. He asks if the colonel knows what’s coming? Oooh, is it the Oncoming Storm? The lady and the colonel decide this was a waste of time before the Blue Man gives us some exposition! He reveals the Headless Monks are old customers and Demon’s Run is where a good man goes to war. Title drop! The TARDIS arrives as the Blue Man says the Doctor doesn’t need him. We see the Doctor’s silhouette before…

COMMERCIALS!

The soldiers are gathered together. The colonel tells them that “he” is not a devil—though he has met the
real one (The Satan Pit). “He” is not a god—though the Face of Boe may disagree. “He” is not a phantom (especially not one of the opera) or a trickster (Sarah Jane has some experience with one, though). “He” is the Doctor, who is a “living, breathing man” and they will kill him. Amy watches from the Sky Box as Lorna enters. She gives Amy a “prayer leaf” with Melody’s name embrodered in Lorna’s language. Amy asks to borrow her gun. She then asks why these people are against the Doctor. Lorna says the Doctor is a dark legend and reveals she met him as a little girl. Amy too! Lorna wonders how long Amy was with the Doctor—she reveals he came back for her. She says he’s coming and tells Lorna to be on the right side when he arrives. Lorna leaves the prayer leaf with Amy.

The colonel continues to tell the gathered masses that the Doctor will die. He says that they have aligned themselves with the Headless Monks. He says that it is a heresy to lower the hood of a monk. But the colonel says that the papal mainframe…Is this an attack on the Catholic Church? What the hell? I’m sorry if I’ve brought this review to a dead halt, but for some reason I’m insulted as a Catholic. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but “papal” is usually only applied to Catholics. Anyway, the monks are headless. No big surprise there, Marines, so stop acting like it. The Thin One looks around for the Fat One until the Doctor reveals he is in the hood. Amy celebrates in the Sky Box. The Doctor says they can point a gun at him. They do, except Lorna. Soldier #1 and Soldier #2 are held at sword-point by the Silurian and Jenny, who ask for the light switch.

The Doctor orders Amy to get her coat as the room goes dark. He taunts the soldiers as they try to shoot at the Doctor. The colonel orders them not to fire as the Silurian and Jenny talk…or maybe flirt? The colonel disarms himself as the monks hold lightsabers. He orders the soldiers to do so as they declare they are not fools. Lorna runs off to find the Doctor. The monks put the light sabers away as all those in the Doctor’s debt surround them. The colonel reveals that a distress signal will go out. The Doctor knocks out their communication system using…the flying squadron from “The Victory of the Daleks”?

The lady asks for the child as we go to COMMERCIALS.

She then carries Melody’s bassinette and orders them to keep the Doctor busy until she has left the area. Lorna overhears this and disappears as Rory appears. The lady asks how Rory plans to take over her ship. The Captain and Toby exit an elevator to reveal it’s already been taken over.

The Doctor tells colonel to order his men to run away so he’ll be forever famous for it. The Doctor reveals he’s angry and the lady says the problem isn’t anger, but too many rules. The Doctor says it is not the day to find out why he has so many rules. The lady tells the Colonel to order the men to run away. Amy is in the Sky Box and tells whoever knocks that she is armed and dangerous. Rory reveals that he knows that. It sounds like he’s trying to sonic the door as she says they took their baby away. Rory opens the door and is carrying Melody. He calls her beautiful and starts crying. Amy calls him a crying Roman with a baby and that he’s cool. The Doctor is introduced to Melody Pond as Melody Williams sounds like a geography teacher. He reveals he can speak baby and tells Melody to call Amy “Mommy” not “Big Milk Thing.” Apparently, Melody then insults the bow tie. Atta girl, Melody.

The Silurian reveals that the army is leaving and tells the Doctor that he has never risen higher. This strikes a chord with Rory as we go to…

COMMERCIALS!

Amy reveals that Melody doesn’t like the TARDIS noise. Jenny reveals that everyone is going back to their proper time and place while the Sontoran tries to solve why Melody is crying. He thinks she needs to be changed—Amy just did that. Then she’s hungry—but the fact that he can nurse is a bit off-putting to everyone, including me. The Doctor reveals that Melody is tired and pulls out a crib. (Or “cot” as they call it). Amy and Rory note that it is really old and ask if the Doctor has any children. He says no and Amy asks if he ever had children. He tells Melody that it’s his real hair. He is needed elsewhere and Amy reveals that she was here while thinking she was on the TARDIS. The Doctor asks Rory if he can hug Amy and Rory agrees.

They wonder who took Amy and why they want Melody. Rory thinks that the Doctor isn’t telling them something which is confirmed by Matt Smith’s smile. He says he isn’t sure who it is. The Doctor reveals the crib is his. Amy notices something on the mobile—it looks like the prayer leaf Lorna made her. And look at what the Sontoran found—Lorna! Meanwhile, the Silurian exposits that the Doctor found her trying to avenge her sisters on some diggers in the London Underground. The Silurian asks if Melody is human. Her DNA is human and Time Lord.

Lorna said that it’s a trap. She reveals she joined the military to meet the Doctor because that’s how you meet a great warrior. This confuses Amy as the Doctor is not a warrior. “Then why is he called the Doctor then?” Lorna asks. That goes back to a colony the Doctor and Susan helped out, Lorna. Anyway, the Silurian wants to know when Melody was conceived. The Doctor says he doesn’t know as Rory and Amy didn’t broadcast what they did in their bedroom. The Silurian wants to know if it could’ve happened on the TARDIS, as the Time Lords became who they were because their DNA changed as a result of being close to the time vortex. The Doctor thinks it’s impossible as he recaps the last half of Series 5. He then comes to the realization that Rory and Amy were on the TARDIS for their wedding night.

Lorna reveals that the Headless Monks won’t register as life forms while the Doctor, the Blue Man and the Silurian ponder Melody. Silurian thinks they might be looking for a weapon, looking for the Doctor—the Blue Man thinks it was too easy. The Silurian goes to try to get to the others. The Doctor recalls the girl in the astronaut suit. The lady comes over the video-com to reveal that there is a war against the Doctor. The baby, she says, is hope.

Meanwhile, the Monks have sealed them in. Rory takes Amy and Melody to a safe place. She orders him to let them die first before Rory goes out to rejoin them.

COMMERCIALS!

There are more hints the Silurian is in love with Jenny before the Blue Man tries to reason with the Monks as a friend. They start chanting as the Monks arm their light sabers. The Silurian tells them to protect the child at all costs. The Doctor, meanwhile, tells the lady that the baby isn’t a weapon and she won’t get her. The lady says it is a pleasure to fool the Doctor in the same way twice. He runs for Amy as we see the lady open a window to look at her and the baby. The Doctor races and races…but is too late. The baby is revealed to be a Ganger. The Sontoran is wounded fatally and isn’t thrilled with dying in combat. Rory tries to give him a pep talk, but it doesn’t work.

Jenny sits with Amy, who is despondent. The Doctor apologizes as Jenny tells her it is not his fault. The Silurian tells the Doctor that Lorna wants to speak with him. He goes over to her and thanks her. Lorna reveals she met him and he says he remembers her. He says that they ran as Lorna cries. She takes a last breath as the Silurian says she was very brave. The Silurian thinks they took Melody to earth to raise her properly and the Silurian asks if the Doctor is giving up.

River shows up and the Doctor is angry. He wants to know why she didn’t help. River tells Amy she will be alright. River says this was the Doctor and asks if he ever thought he would become the man who gathered an army. She reveals that “doctor” means healer across the universe except the Gamma Forest where it means “great warrior.” The child is a weapon in fear of the Doctor. He asks who River is as she notices his cot. She says she is telling him and asks him to read.

He gets choked up and says “Hello.” The Doctor releases the TARDIS and orders River to get them all home. He leaves as Amy looks at River. River tells her to stay calm as Amy picks up a gun. River tells Amy to concentrate so the universal translator will work on the writing on the crib. Except that’s Gallifreyan so it won’t translate. She picks up the prayer leaf and says that there is no word for “pond” in the Gamma Forest. The closest they have translates to “river.”

River is Melody Pond. And the Doctor will take care of her…and apparently kiss her.

Eww.

I’m not entirely sure how I feel about this reveal. I had come to terms with River possibly being the Doctor’s wife. There were rumbles that River is Amy’s daughter from the beginning, but I brushed those aside. With this reveal and all we’ve learned about River…I don’t know, it seems wrong. And it’s placing way too much emphasis on the companions. Maybe that’s why some people haven’t warmed up to Matt Smith—he’s been completely outshined by Amy and River.

And I’m not thrilled with this whole River-is-a-Time-Lord twist either. Is that to facilitate their eventual relationship? And how did they know Amy’s child would have the DNA? Why would being conceived on the TARDIS be equivalent to something it took the Time Lords years to evolve into while in contact with a stronger power source? I’m wondering now if people are really missing David Tennant or Russell Davies’ decisions. If Time Lords were to rise again, then I’d rather the ending to “The End of Time” be changed. At least that made sense!

Well, that’s it for now. The conclusion to not only this story but this season won’t be seen until September. Why? Who knows.

Quote of the Episode

“Of course, his rules of engagement. Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.”
“Look ridiculous.”
“Have you considered heels?” –River and Rory about his Centurion get up.